About Me

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Man is a model exposed to the view of different artists; everyone see it from some point of view, NOT from every point....

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Kehilangan

Semua orang merasai kehilangan at some point of yr life.

Tapi kehilangan aku kali ni, sgt terasa.
Walau nyatanya ia hanya material, tapi nilai sentimentalnya sangat tinggi.


Satu pusaka berusia lebih kurang 35 tahun. Manakan mampu diganti walau segunung berlian sekalipun.

Satu lagi, sentimentalnya kerana ia adalah yang pertama dari yang pertama. Saat yang lain menzahirkan pada kehendak semasa, aku lebih ke arah jangka masa panjang.... nilainya meningkat mengikut masa. Berusia lebih kurang 15 tahun.

Satu lagi, paling berusia... lebih dari 40 tahun, jadi punca pergaduhan seketika. Dan juga membuktikan betapa wang mampu memecahbelahkan silaturrahim. Andai mahu dinilai, aku tidak mampu menyamakannya dengan nilai harta sedunia. Memorinya melibatkan perasaan cinta, ilmu dan pengalaman yang tidak ada di mana2 kelas di dunia, dan yang terulung, masa yang diluangkan bersama-sama dengan yang tercinta bersama material yang ini.

Sayangnya..... akhiran dari material yang ini, yang menjadi hamba wang terusan menyakitkan semua jiwa disekitarnya lalu aku berdoa agar tidak sampai tahap derhaka. Namun untuk aku menyerah... aku tidak akan sesekali. Melainkan aku pula yang dijatuhi hukuman derhaka,

Yang pertama dan kedua, aku berdoa agar dapat berjumpa semula, akan aku sematkan rasa sedih kehilangannya di jiwa sampai mati, tapi mastih sedia memaafkan namun tidak mungkin rasanya untuk melupakan.

Yang ketiga... mampukah di ganti?
Manusia menyebut, darah di ganti darah... kalau memori? Amnesia kah pilihan? Perlu jugakah rasa cinta di balas derita? atau benci sudah mencukupi?
Pengkhianatan? Derhaka? Penganiayaan?

Mampukah aku terus menghadapinya?

Aku...
Yang tak punya sesiapa, rasanya ingin aku lepaskan segalanya dan melangkah jauh tanpa menoleh ke belakang langsung. langsung!

Kuat aku di depanmu, senyumku indah untuk kau nikmati. Dendamku berlum pernah padam. Diam aku bukan kerana rasa takut, cuma aku elak melukakan yang tidak bersalah.

Banyak yang aku pendamkan... dan aku berdoa aku mampu terus pendam selamanya hingga roh berpisah dari jasad... andai terlepas, dibimbangi melebihi letusan si krakatoa suatu masa dahulu.

Pulangkan..... kita selesaikan segala sengketa, aku ingin pergi jauh... tidak ingin pulang2 lagi.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

a good day!

dah lama sebenarnya aku x dapat ikuti drama y dekat dgn jiwa.

Grey's Anatomy.

dari sejak kes kapalterbang diorg jatuh y akhirnya sebabkan Seatle Grace Hospital bertukar kepada Grey Sloan Hospital. Aku just tgk here & there but i have the general idea la. Ke mana hilang Izzie pun aku x pasti.

Then smlm berpeluang menonton. Rupanya Derek dah meninggal. Seb bek aku x tgk, rasanya mau bengkak mata kalau tgk time episod kematian & recovery si Meredith tu. Apa jadi pada Christina pun aku  x pasti. Y tinggal cuma Callie, Meredith, Parker, Karev. Eh, Parker ka Hunt tah nama heart surgeon dr army tu.

Episod semalam ialah kes Meredith diserang pesakitnya y kena sawan. Memang kes naya... Then dia recover n kena kaunseling.

General, tiap pesakit akan be in denial. Sama cam Meredith. Dia ala2 dia ok. Sampai la dia accept yang dia x tau apa y dia rasa, then baru dia yang sebenarnya. She know how to be alone & she accepts that capability.

Yang melekat di jiwa :
'we have deaths every day, so, a day without a death is a good day'

Yup, being in trauma & emergency, all survivors by end of shift is a good day. at times a GREAT day ever!

how you describe  your good day?

Friday, April 29, 2016

Happy Admin Day

It falls on the Wednesday of last full week in April every year.
They said that if the boss forgets this day, it'll be at his peril.
.
Tetiba bunyi cam kejam. 😍😍. Tidak la ke level tu, but small things do made up to the big things.
Anyway, this made my day : 



 Today is the director's bday. I waited till eod before sending him my wishes. One of the reason is I need to prep for the big shot visit next week too.
& he replied with;

Thanks a million ~ZonAku~. I am extremely touched. 
I am happy that I could do something small to appreciate all  the hard work that you put in. It was very small token of our appreciation.
See you next week.

I'm more than happy, honored actually. Simple yet very extremely meaningful.


Friday, April 15, 2016

REUNION

Yang sebaya aku, tahun ini ramai sekali mengadakan majlis perjumpaan semula sempena 2 dekad meninggalkan bangku sekolah.

Dan, kami juga sama.

Yang seronoknya, kami membesar bersama. semua perbezaan kami abaikan, semua persamaan kami raikan. Tautan kasih sayang memangnya satu ikatan yang sangat kuat. Itu antara kurniaan terhebat dari Ilahi buat hambanya.

Dalam kegembiraan, pasti ada dukanya.

Aku berkecil hati sejak 2 dekad dahulu dan aku bawa bebannya hingga kini. Sayangnya ada yang dengan lantangnya bersungguh ingin menimbulkan hal keruh yang mencalar jiwa itu.  Aku tidak sudi hadir andai majlis yang sepatutnya menemukan aku dengan memori terindah semalam, dicemari dengan kehadiran yang tidak-tidak. Ada antara mereka yang tidak pernah aku  temui sejak melangkah keluar, malah ada yang sejak hari pertama bersama hingga kini tiada sepatah kata bertegur sapa.

Ini majlis untuk kami yang mengharungi suka duka bersama. BUKAN untuk yang lain. Walau apa juga pangkat, taraf  dan gelaran mereka.

KAMI, yang berkongsi satu cerita yang sama dengan kisah yang berbeza. Ini cerita kami, dari kami untuk kami. Walau driver bas sekolah sekalipun aku tidak sudi menjemput, inikan pula.............

TIDAK!!!
BUKAN KALI INI!


Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Life

It was ages ago I last update here.

Too many things I wanna share yet everytime  I started, it will never finished & halfway I will just delete & promise myself to write again soon.

Yeah.. this is soon enough I guess.

With my schedule, I have twice fallen sick due to fatigue. Once is just a bad blisters, an allergy reaction. This happen when I return from my training in Alor Setar for my CBFI certification. The course ends Saturday, we return & on Sunday I join a hiking  group to Penang Hill. That is the forst time I hike with such a big group & 95% of them are total strangers to me. But I like the attitude, they are organised & give & follow instructions accordingly.

The first friend of mine who went 'pancit' makes me as usual become the sweeper again. As per Nyot, I am a 'sweeper abadi'. Well, living to my reputation, I always waited to ensure that nobody left behind. Also, even the group already have a dedicated sweeper, he is a man, I will not allow him to attend to her w/o another lady's presence. Well, just out of habit since my hiking years.

Then, at the first stop, after answering nature call, a friend of mine made a damn stupid statement, showing her ignorance & stupidity. If I want to fall for that guy, it will take more than one hiking trip.

& till the end of the hike, we stay together as another friend went 'pancit' too. & the guy was like an old friend of mine by the end of the trip. We shared waters & always pose for his camera. While having our fruit ice at the top, I was told that he keep looking at our direction repeatedly. Well, it's  normal. For me anyways.

Back home, I had ice bath & went for meeting. My rest started at about 3-4am the next morning. Wake up for work with the allergy blisters. There you gone. Strike 1!

Then.
 Jom Kurus, Vietnam Trip, Slimfit. 30days smoothie challenge & trying new jogging route. Nice one! Superb view!

Running buddy for now

Saturday I was supposed to bring my mom for her post op appointment but since my sis wanna go, I'm just ok. I am tired anyway as since Friday morning I did not rest, lunch at BBW (not eating fro sure, just lots and lots of books), then to the jogging, then to SlimFit then a meeting till midnite. I overslept on Saturday morning, After they went to hospital, I prep my smoothie. & lay down to watch Uda dan Dara on youtube. My plan to watch a marathon of it. Halfway, I started having fever & getting weaker by the minute. By the time my mom reach home, I am no longer able to do anything. I just open the door & lie down. Watch the drama just like between dreams. All the plan to go buy fruits in the market gone, pasar malam gone. None! Then at night, I just sleep next to mom after taking Panadol. No food. Sunday too, After my sis bring me to clinic, I just sleep & sleep & sleep. Usually I can still drive to clinic but not this time. My weekend spent lying down only. Even the Slimfit also I can't attend. Pity them, I feel guilty till now.

Yesterday, I am on EL, No MC, but I was better.

last smoothie before I fall sick on Saturday

& This Sunday is the last of it.

After that I'll just focus on myself with afterwork jog & weekend hiking only. My registered event will attend as usual, but it's not that I have to commit for a period of time. The last will be Harum Manis Adventure Trail Run if nor mistaken. Then rest for fasting month. I'll pick up after raya & school reunion.

Between that, I do wish I will continue blogging.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Impianku

Ok, dah masuk november kan

Makanya, hujung or pertengahan bulan depan ramai org akan mula sembang hal azam tahun baru. It's a routine dah.

SO, as far as my #memuah already aware, aku still in progress of losing more kgs. Well, it's a fun activity anyway.

Dan sekarang, selepas 2 season JK1M, i already lost 10 kg, & keep losing. The program is a competition, so, ko blh tgk macam2 org buat in order to win. As for me, I withdraw on the winning the prizes offered, but I am very 'in' on the losing kgs part. My original target is by Dec 2015, but due to some changes, my last personal challenge date is Sept 16, 2016. By then, my wight will be at 48kg. Max will be 50kg & that number gonna remain forever, as long as I have my normal breath in this world. InsyaAllah... doakan for me.

With the knee condition, I actually can still perform the exercises routines, with caution. There are times when I hurt it, there are times when it is well.

As of now, my activity divided into 2. One is the training with my JK1M trainer, a ladies team only. Another one is Freeletics, a new exercise phenomenon in Malaysia.

Too new for me to review on this. but one thing for sure.... masa open workout session aritu, bila saja coach sebut nama aku... aku lupa kiraan repetition aku....

Nervous, sebab aku kan pemalu! plus penat woi sementara nak biasakan diri ngan pacing n routine nya....




"ok Zona... berapa dah? set ke berapa?"

'........ ..........'

"berapa dah?"

'seploh' (hantam saja)

"ok, kita buat sama2 lagi seploh tu"

'ok!..... ...........'




#misi48kg..... 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Luahan Rasa

Well....
not sure how to say this.
But recently I am so damn frustrated.

I was so sure that everything will went well, but Allah is the ultimate planner.
The best I can do is REDHA....

Lesson learned....

Followers