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Man is a model exposed to the view of different artists; everyone see it from some point of view, NOT from every point....

Monday, March 9, 2020


No idea why, but today, I feel so very TIRED.
super damn tired.
 i need to run, but no idea will I do it or not.
Feel like dig a deep hole & move in.
tired of the world.
tired of ALL.
Image result for tired

Friday, January 24, 2020

the S.I.L.E.N.T 2019

Rupanya setahun x buka blog, apatah lagi menulis di sini.

Maka, AZAM 2020 is meriahkan kembali blog tersayang ini, walaupun ini bukan lagi lapangan tersohor seperti suatu masa dahulu yang mana menemukanku dengan #gengMemuah.

Recapping 2019:

January :
Attending JK Academy. I am certified JKAcademician, walking the memory lane as it happen in Sunway area. Reconnect w Anis & K. Azza. but I can't bring myself to walk into SunMed. A refreshing session, berpeluang berjumpa dan berkenalan dengan team leader yang hebat2. Juga retake my certification of CPR dengan CPR Malaysia, kelas y ceria dan for once I feel confident that I can perform CPR. Tetap berharap x perlu.

February :
Back from akademi, my skin as usual. But this time it was SO DAMN BAD. Almost half of my face breakout. Sakit jgn cerita, thus finally I am referred to skin specialist, sebulan sakit wehhhhh. Start dgn cold sores then spread x tahu nk cerita. 3 doktor, finally I am referred to skin specialist GH, but faham ja la bila GH punya q. trs ke klinik Tanah Melayu. One of the this she said is, how come you continue working? the pain is so bad, you should not work, rest! Wahhh.. alhamdulillah. but at the same time, i missed the annual dinner la. celah2 tu jugak, Anggun lahir, so, I am off to Kampar. by then semua blisters cleared, but I looked hideous. parut kehitaman separuh muka. Setel Kampar, I need to drove back to Penang for JK fiesta. well... life is like that.

March : with Dietfit. good experience. Again. Amik mak balik dr Kampar tgh2 minggu. Adikku call ada sedikti isu, so, rush pegi amik mak after work. lps solat isyak, shoot balik penang. singgah makan jap, then masa isi minyak keta x blh start, so, ada org bantu jump start. thennnnnn.. area nibong tebal, my car mati tengah2 jalan. IT.JUST. STOPPED! Syukur sempat ke tepi. mati ja enjin, trs call PLUSRONDA. time of call, 12tgh mlm. Literally, in the middle of the night. Allahuakbar. I am sooooo being tested.

April :
Opening for  permanent post. my director, dapat ja kelulusan untuk hire, trs alert me to apply. All process starts. I was number 11 to apply in system after it is opened. wow! they are faster than me. My interview w my own manager happen, also with the talent acquisition staff, got to know that the job grade opened was wayyyyyy below my experience & salary. thus they increase it. I am HIRED! a later talk to my manager, he mentioned we did go through the actual process & i got the job on my capabilities, NOT of his personal preference. Good to know that boss! even if you said those words to calm me down from the gossips that i was preferred.
Lari my 2nd HM d Perlis marathon. Dengan mata bengkak, first time tahu alah dengan kucing!. Panas nya lain macam pun sama. lps lari, p Hatyai. OMG macam x caya! & masa sampai Perlis, uruskan pembayaran deposit untuk keluarkan kereta. So, Bye CikPuteri, Hello MyPrincess!

May :
My FDO! dpt invitation ke  onboarding training session di US, elok nak start proses sehari dua lepas raya, tetiba on raya day, dapat cancellation.

June :
A week after raya, a week before I completed my first month as permanent staff, I attended KickBoxing Traininer class. Yeay! I am able to incorporate kickboxing in my classes after this. habis kelas, ke airport lah kita untuk kembali ke sarang. Accident happen! I trip & overstepped & ended on wheelchair. Sedih jangan sembang la kannn. 1st person to call is my manager. reason? Least personal attachment & I need to think without emotion to make the trip back to penang. LONGEST flight ever! holding your leg! Wheeled in & out from the aricraft! experienced i never want to have ever again. Alhamdulillah my friend, Nun was there when it happen. She is the big help by then too, her calm n cool demeanor helps too. else i know i will panic like crazy bitch.
Warded for 2 days, & the most hateful needle was there the entire time. MC for 2 weeks. attended rehab on my own effort w GT Physio.

July :
Back in office w bday celebration! my 1st day back, I made 2 stops otw cafe. jauhnya macam x mampu sampai. jarak? office, overhead bridge, lif, cross carpark, cafe. 5 to 8 minutes saja walking normally. but i am a disabled body now. sedih x mampu nk ucap. A new admin for KL office hired. Lucky her, I am here to assist, sometime rasa I want people to treat me like newhire jugak. but that is a very wishful thoughts, sebab I hv no chance. jangan kan sesi2 camtu, buddy pun x ada. self learn, but hey say that is a proof that i am that capable. a compliment to me anyway.
30 July, CEO is in the houz.. berpeluang jumpa ejen CIA. she is pretty, but lethal at the same time too.

August :
All is good i would say. tetiba jadi PIC untuk event ofis. kena masuk keja on sabtu, same day with my 2nd class of FPFP. Fitness Professional Foundation Program under KD Academy. A good class, to develop a good & ethical PT.
A group of folks join this month, also experiencing a sudden demise of one of the team member. COD : Fall from high ground.

September :
Quiet, but not that quiet month. Have our event as usual too.

October :
Everything starts picking up again.

November :
Taiwan Trip. Eerie experience the moment I walk in to the hotel provided by company, walaupun hari pertama tu check in hotel level rumah tumpangan ahkaw. then 2nd nite baru hotel molek sikit. hari ke 3 hotel mewah, tapi itulah... seram masa masuk. but it gets better, maybe ada y mengikut dari pantai tadi. Jumpa kawan lama, try xinfutang. well, the boba tea is not that great anyway. We had nice talks even we haven't talk for a while now. Yes, friends are like that, jauh di mata dekat di hati. walau lama x jumpa x sembang, when we meet, we just clicked macam x pernah berpisah.

December :
Another trip. Create opportunity to be in KL office just to see things. then to Melaka trip to bond with my fellow DF trainers. Allahuakbar, kita kadang rasa biasa2 ja.. but the bond macam kami kenalan lama, Alhamdulillah atas ukhwah yang dijalin.
Jeju trip to end the year :)

Tadaaaaaaaa.. that's a recap of my moments & experiences in 2019.
A LOT happens actually. A LOT of FIRTS too..

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Rahsia Tuhan

Semoga Allah tempatkan Adib di kalangan umat Rasulullah yang soleh.
Aku kurang mengikuti dengan rapi kisah arwah, sekadar mengetahui info ringkas dan the core of the issue. Benarlah janji Allah, Rezeki, Jodoh, dan Ajal adalah hak mutlakNYA. 
Rahsia Dia yang Esa.

Sedihnya, mengapa yang bukan beragama Islam masih menghina penganut Islam dan berbangsa Melayu? 
Ada seorang pengguna *muk*buk* menggunakan pengenalan diri sebagai Caryn Yean, meninggalkan kata2 yang mengguris hati, katanya bukan kerajaan yang gagal tetapi tuhan aku yang gagal, x sembuhkan Adib.
Melalui gambar yang ada dalam profil nya, nampak macam budak hingusan, belum cukup jumpa sepak terajang dunia. 
Semoga dia tidak hidup dalam kegelapan lagi selepas ini.
Dik, akak kerja dengan bangsa kau, bangsa yang memang menindas, sebab tu jangan minta gaduh, kami yang berbangsa Melayu dan beragama Islam ni kadangkala malas nak bergaduh atau bercakap banyak. Nak hak sama rata? Try la pergi ke China, kita tengok kau mampu hidup mewah atau tidak di sana macam kau di Tanah Melayu ni. 
Kami bangsa berdaulat, beragama, dan sangat menghormati dan bertolak ansur walau denagn manusia bangsat sekalipun.

Jadi.. kita duduk elok2 dengan aman damai ya...
Semoga pelaku dihukum setimpal, nyawa dengan nyawa. Aku x mahu duit cukai aku dibazirkan dengan memberi makan dan penjagaan pada pembunuh Adib.

Sudah2 lah dengan kuil korang tu, sejengkal satu ke nak buat? 
Masjid kami pun diruntuhkan jugak... hak orang jangan diganggu.

Buat yang beragama Islam yang membaca post ini, sejak 18/12/2018 hingga bila2 pun, sedekahkan surah Al-Fatihah buat arwah juga buat diri kita dan sekelian umat.
Semoga Allah tetapkan iman kita dan kemenangan milik kita.

Monday, December 17, 2018


It's a new # that I'll use moving forward. Insyaallah in this & future post.

It is a celebration of friendship with my highschool's friend. We were together since we were 13 to 17, then move forward with our life with some bonding in between till we decided to strengthen our ukhwah in 2016, 20 years after we left school. #SahabatTanpaSyarat were introduced back then too.

We are already getting old with their kids already in school & most of us have achieve stability in our llife n career. We try as much to spend me time together whenever the opportunity came along, even when someone just bought a new car. Small yet we cherished the moment. Just a small reason to meet our friends. We do not know when we will meet again.

The friend from Kiwi Land return for their holiday, so, we quickly seize the chance for a meet up. They landed on Thursday 6am in Penang Airport, Friday afternoon is our gathering, #GengKampung chapter. Still jetlagged, DocNur wouldn't make it an excuse, so there we were, at SeoulCity Korean BBQ restaurant in Kulim. I was having issues with my internet connection, & have to resort to ol'school style, print the google map. Nini n me took half day, Anis took leave too. & Hanim being the PM for his gathering did well in securing the place n making ordera, thanks to Pija who sponsor us as she can't attend.

 As the place's business hour is 11.30am - 3.00pm and 5.00pm - night, we need to leave. SO, Giant Kulim it is, we lepak at the nasi kandar shop there. just a glass of drinks for each of us. All of us, with different personality, but since we have the toughest teenage life together, we already accept each other negative side & always make fun of that. DocNur was asking for our backup drinks, just in case the one we ordered were not beingh served. That is common I guess as we always will have to change, but when Nini did not give hers, & happen to be it is not available, we have a reason to laugh it off again.
A refreshing session even I was kind of sad n gloomy before arrival.
My internet problem n this nasyid. Heartbreaking.


Composer: Frizdan 
Writer: Frizdan 
Copyright: Inteam Records Sdn Bhd
Full lyrics below :

Kau masih tersenyum
Mengubat lara
Selindung derita yang kau rasa
Senyuman yang mententeramkan
Setiap insan yang kebimbangan

Hakikatnya tak tertanggung lagi derita
Di pangkuan isterimu Humairah
Menunggu saat ketikanya
Diangkat rohmu bertemu yang Esa

Tangan dicelup di bejana air
Kau sapu di muka mengurangkan pedih
Beralun zikir menutur kasih
Pada umat dan akhirat

Dan tibalah
Waktu ajal bertamu
Penuh ketenangan jiwamu berlalu
Linangan airmata syahdu
Iringi permergian mu

Dan sukarnya untuk
Umat menerima
Bahkan Payah
Untuk Umar mempercaya
Tetapi iman
Mreelakan jua
Bahawa manusia
Kan mati akhirnya

Tak terlafaz kata mengungkap hiba
gerhanalam seluruh semesta
Waalaupun kau telah tiada
Besemarak cintamu selamanya

Dan tibalah
Waktu ajal bertamu
Penuh ketenangan jiwamu berlalu
Linangan airmata syahdu
Iringi permergian mu

Dan sukarnya untuk
Umat menerima
Bahkan Payah
Untuk Umar mempercaya
Tetapi iman
Merelakan jua
Bahawa manusia
Kan mati akhirnya

Ya Rasulullah
Kau tinggalkan kami warisan yang abadi
Dan bersaksilah sesungguhnya
Kami merinduimu

As we aged, we will lose some friend who were called to meet Him earlier than others. Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun..

Moga damai roh mereka di sana, dan ditempatkan di kalangan umat2 yang beriman.

#SahabatTanpaSyarat #GojesLadies96 #Friendship #GengKampung

Tuesday, December 11, 2018


Ya.. sangat merindui saat - saat menaip meluah rasa.
Kerana, zaman ber blogging sangat bebas dan terbuka. kerana saat itu boleh menjadi 'anon' dengan bahagianya. banyak juga perhubungan dengan golongan 'anon' hingga ada yang direalitikan.

Namun, zaman berubah.. Redha!.

Ingin bercerita tentang pengalaman pertama berlari menghabiskan HM. Half Marathon.  Kenangan yang sangat perlu di catatkan dalam media agar dapat dibaca di masa depan. Saat memori tidak lagi kuat, moga ada yang sudi bercerita semula dengan membaca apa yang tercoret di sini. Ini kisah diri sendiri, sebagaimana aku melihat dunia dan juga monolog2 diri.

Gambar2 kenangan juga perlu dipaparkan untuk kenang-kenangan.

25 November 2018, bangun saat jam berdetik menukar hari, dengan penuh debaran.
Bersiap dan terus melangkah hingga melepasi garisan penamat,

Pengalaman yang tidak akan mampu di beli di mana-mana.

Walaupun kurang 1 km yang di pintas kerana dilanda kecewa dan hampir putus asa, namun, syukur, Allah datangkan peniup semangat.

Persahabatan kadangkalan melepasi batas masa dan tanpa mengira jantina, agama dan bangsa.

Saat itu, jiwa sarat dengan rasa kecewa, putus asa, marah dengan diri sendiri dan cuaca dan pelbagai rasa saling berkecamuk, tunggang langgang pendek katanya.

Bimbang dan takut juga ada, celaru untuk buat keputusan.

Namun, Alhamdulillah, berjaya ke garisan penamat.

My personal achievement.
Pride & joy even missed the 1 km

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Hiking to Kerachut

Bersama team pembantu. Geng Memuah ke Pulau Kapas... makanya harus redha dan tgk laut d Penang sahaja...
X mandi or anything, terus naik bot & balik. Air masin? Terkena hujung kaki saja, jenuh elak tak nak kasut basah punya pasal.

Monday, April 16, 2018


it is not easy..

being a child that always a foreigner.
cakap x blh, x cakap pun x blh.
buat salah, x buat pun salah.

kadang2 terlepas jugak.... so, dgn phone aku y x sampai2, blh menyebabkan aku beli baru jugak ni. I AM THAT DESPERATE!

after work, sbb too stressed, I made a pit stop at the gym. mmg lepas stress! either too high adrenaline or I am already fit, the 50 mins dance fusion session is not tiring at all. & my first Panama dance! mula heran sbb lagu cam kenal, halfway br perasan. 😆

It was a fun session till I overstretch the muscle. minor discomfort ja. no biggie.

then, balik mandi n be on bed till now.
i can't face anyone now for the fear of hurting them.
now, i'm typing this to reduce my stress.
esok mcm nk p gym awal pagi... KALAU gaduh dgn bantal kejap lg...

there...... blog still the place to ramble... yeay!!