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Man is a model exposed to the view of different artists; everyone see it from some point of view, NOT from every point....

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Merenung Bulan

jiwa kurang happy. 


pastu dengar lagu camni. memang tangkap leleh.
aku jenis y kurang menangis. kalau nangis pun jenis camni....

Choi Ji Woo dalam citer Temptation.... dia kalau menangis mmg tahap dewi2 bagi aku. Diva habes.... esp dlm Winter Sonata. jenis airmata x byk, airmatahati ja mencurah2... bukan cam heroin dlm autumn in my heart, aku x suka.. merambu sesaja. Rimas!

jenis dok dlm keta sorng2, nangis sambil drive or berenti kat tepi jalan je.
& this moment, i really need that long drive... dan sangatla susah nk dapat di Penang ni. Aku penah drive sesorang ke S.A then ke LCCT tetengah mlm sorang2 sebab I need to calm myself n do some thinking.

Dan baru2 ni ada kes yang memang tahap pecah muka orang kalau ikut hati. Memang menggigil sampai ketap2 gigi. But me, being myself..... relax, scan, email, text dengan my BFF buat keje sket, then baru p my green room (yup, that green room y ada green wall/screen untuk video shooting tu, nk buat kat phone booth, kami guna glass wall, org blh nampak, plus x berapa soundproof) & dial the number. Only then, after about more than an hour dicovering it that I have the chance & strength to pour my heart content to that someone. Er... actually that person is the 2nd person ever heard me that hopelessly crying myself out. I RARELY do that. & I really appreciate the ears borrowed & the support given (u'll never imagine how grateful I feel).

Yeah.. I'm that.

Well, after thorough thought, I was thinking of taking actions about that, but my hands are totally tied. My private solution? Leave all that behind & be away!!!

Ye, aku bukan nabi apatah lagi malaikat. Namun x juga berhati firaun. Cuma, aku  x suka berada dalam situasi sebegini. Ini bukan something y aku boleh tolerate. So, it all come back to the fight or flight thingy. Since I am not allowed to fight w/o causing more hurts, the only thing I am left is to flight. Ada yang akan suruh aku bersabar dan memaafkan. FYI, aku dalam keadaan bersabar la ni, memaafkan juga boleh, tapi macam biasa, aku memaafkan dengan syarat jangan wujud lagi depan aku lepas ni. Sama seperti tahun 1996, juga tahun 2009. I abhorred to know or lay my sight on you ever. If destined that our path crossed again, I pray to Allah, I'm not made aware that it was that human being.

Aku mohon maaf, aku sangat pendendam dan memendam rasa. That is why people usually passed by me w/o noticing who I am. I have that invisible personality that I sometimes note that it really made me physically invisible. Hahaha...

Also I need to steam off somewhere. But at this moment, I guess I can contained the feeling & released it much-much-much-much later.

Well, slight diversion as ending note, know why I prefer the Winter Sonata heroin  against Autumn in My Heart? Besides the fact about them crying?

I'll say that crying with tears are much simpler, coz the physical tears are there. Person that cries all the time is much easier to heal compared to that never cry. In Winter Sonata, she excel in her life, a good career is hers. But with all her achievement, she carry within her heart the hollow. She is all great on the surface. Beneath the calm personality there lay a heartwrenching  remorse of the first love she lost. Her tears comes when & only when the tears in her heart overflows externally.

& I do love Choi Ji Woo. Simple as that. hehehe

10 comments:

Nastyna said...

err...sebagai seorang pendendam jugak.. I think I feel u.. I think.... huhuhuh

Psttt my kelas bahasa tu, I have to take a break sebab ada baby kan, once cik Tipah ke Kita baru sambung balik, takpun buat exam terus, ternganga aku kalu gitu hahaha.

zonaku said...

Nas, kadang tu bila free kan, terbayang2 cara pembalasan dendam paling kejam.... pastu seram sendiri...

hehehehe...

kalau x sambung sekarang, nanti x ada dah la kisah your classmate y pandai serba serbi tu.....

Daddy Ziyyad said...

kena ulang alik jambatan kedua Penang la..takpun park kereta dalam feri...nangis puas2..hihihihih

Petang semalam saya nampak seorang awek menangis tepi motor :)

zonaku said...

DZ, x best sbb terlalu dkt dgn rumah. lagipun drive atas bridge tu so far mmg x der feeling best langsung

Masy said...

baru aku nak cadang drive kt seken bridge hehehe

takpun pi lalu seken bridge, balik umah lalu 1st bridge. haa amek kau brape lama tu

apepun, bertenanglah! keep calm and eat some more and gain weight summore

aizamia3 said...

Adakala kita perlukan ruang untuk diri sendiri.. reward untuk diri sendiri.. sendirian tanpa sesiapa.. duduk diam bertenang agar tak melakukan sesuatu yang crazy..

zonaku said...

masy :hahahha.... part last tu aku abaikan secara sukarela, dan cadangkan ko y buat.....

zonaku said...

aizamia3:
tq sebab singgah... :)

Qaseh Vee said...

adakalanya saya juga begitu . sering dan hingga saat ini masih kerap begitu . saya prefer lepaskan @ mengaum sepuashati n beban itu akan keluar bersamanya . bila tangisan reda , pasti sudah beban juga tiada . segalanya di bilikku syurgaku jua ... huhuhuuu

zonaku said...

Qaseh:
isu privacy.

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